God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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