i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
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No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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