you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
