Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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