just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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