dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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