No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
