one word: firstdatebathroomanal
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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