I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
