How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
