well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
