i was born a porn star she said
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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