Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Every concussion has its silver lining
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
