it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
