I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
