I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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