Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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