I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
