Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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