My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
it's like iHOP with fire
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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