shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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