he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
