well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
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i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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