More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
