maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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