Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
