i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
