I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
