Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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