I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
