Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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