hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you didnt know i had herpes?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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