Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
