You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
