i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
