A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
