Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
