Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
