You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
