Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
