I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
