So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
