i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
