Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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