Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
