She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
