this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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