I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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