I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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