Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
