So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She announced her abortion via fbk
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
