I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
