Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
