so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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