but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
