mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
