genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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