She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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