I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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