and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dick very happy bro
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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