Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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