got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
