Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
