doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
