well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
