white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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