The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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