I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
